


Where'd You Go

by WebsWilson



Category: Mr. Robot (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/M, I Tried, Metaphors, Short One Shot, Some Fluff, This Is Sad, also theres tickling involved, bc shayla and elliot are soft, emeto warning, im sorry, so why not
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-08
Updated: 2018-08-08
Packaged: 2019-06-23 18:29:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,434
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15612348
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WebsWilson/pseuds/WebsWilson
Summary: Did you know that if you stand in the shower, in just the right spot, all you can hear and feel is the water hitting you before swirling down the drain? I do now. I’m staring at the drain right now, watching as it swallows up the soapy water. I can almost see it swallowing up my regret with it too.I miss her





	Where'd You Go

**Author's Note:**

> whew okay. my first work and it's angst. i'm sorry, i wish i could've executed this better. i had the idea as i was showering (big surprise) and had to write it all down before i forgot it. i hope you enjoy it anyway.

_Hello, friend._

  _Did you know that if you stand in the shower, in just the right spot, all you can hear and feel is the water hitting you before swirling down the drain? I do now. I’m staring at the drain right now, watching as it swallows up the soapy water. I can almost see it swallowing up my regret with it too._

  _I miss her._

 I miss Shayla.

 We didn’t go out together. She tried to take me out a few times but it didn’t usually work out. I didn’t like how it felt when we were around other people. Like I was drowning, but at least she was always there. The light at the end of the tunnel. So we stayed home.

 Usually we stayed at my place, got high, did the things you do in a regular human relationship. She made me feel like a normal person. When we kissed, I could almost pretend that I was sane. Maybe she made me sane. I don’t know if I always liked that.

 “Elliot.” I could hear her voice from the bed. She sounded sleepy. Of course she did, she just woke up.

 “Hm?” I manage to hum from my desk chair, not even turning around to look at her.

  _I should’ve looked at her more._

 I stared at the bright screen in front of me. Mitchell Hawkins. My latest victim, although he was quite the opposite of that. Made about 300k a year and used most of it to fund his gambling addiction. I’m not one to shame people with an addiction, that would make me a hypocrite. No, it’s what he did with another portion of that money that made me sick. He had a wife that he left almost every night to meet with escorts, _very_ underage escorts. No one has morals anymore, do they?

 I was nearing the point of the night where I’d end his life with one click, when I was reminded yet again that there was another presence in the room.

 “Elliot,” Shayla sighed, “Come back to bed.”

 I weighed my choices. The harsh screen in front of me, or Shayla. Shayla was all warmth, curves, and soft hair. Living. Breathing. The task at hand was rough, ugly, and made me sick to my stomach. But it also was what I thrived on. That moment of adrenaline.

 “I’ll be back in a minute.” I lied. Since when have I started lying to her? That’s not something you do in a normal human relationship. Unless you’re a regular Mitchell Hawkins.

 I stare at the screen. I get back to work. I forget about Shayla.

  _I forget about Shayla._

  _I blink and the memory washes down the drain with the rest of the soap from my body. It’s been a week since the jailbreak. Since what could easily be called the worst night of my adult life._

  _I haven’t showered since then. I don’t remember how I even got in it today. I don’t remember a lot of the last week. It all feels like a blur._

  _I just keep thinking about her body._

 Her body.

 I ran from it. Ran from the car I had been in all night. The space I shared with her without even realizing it.

 Her body I had loved, I had touched, I had been touched by. It was violated, mutilated, and shoved into the back of the car like a suitcase. Everytime I even momentarily shut my eyes all I could see was the blood. It was everywhere. Even if I stopped myself from reaching out, I could still feel her blood on me. On my hands.

  _Oh, God. I got Shayla killed._

 I bent over and threw up onto the paved road. It was mostly bile, I hadn’t eaten at all that day, and it stung. I thought about what might have happened if I hadn’t gotten Vera arrested. Would it be any different? Would he have eventually gone to far and killed her anyway? Probably.

 Maybe then I wouldn’t have been at fault.

 What a sick, selfish thought for me to have.

  _Selfish._

  _Another memory down the drain. I can’t think about that night. I have to forget about it. I have to repress it. Thinking about it just hurts me even more. Does it hurt you too?_

  _The happy memories hurt me too, but in a different way. They sting at my eyes but leave me with the ghost of what should’ve been a smile._

 A smile.

 Shayla’s smile could light up any room. I wasn’t always the best boyfriend- no I was definitely the worst boyfriend most of the time- but she still would smile at me. And I would smile right back at her.

 “Elliot,” Shayla said, looking up from her phone, “D’ya want to hear a joke?”

 We were both lying on my bed, facing each other but with a few inches between us. That’s how I liked to be with her. She was looking down at her phone, probably checking facebook or maybe the news. I was looking at the wall behind her, just enjoying the company. Once she spoke I looked at her, though.

 It was funny how easy it was to look her in the eyes. I usually couldn’t, but with her it seemed comfortable. Almost everything seemed comfortable with her.

 “Sure.”

 “How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?” Her eyes were sparkling. God, did I love her eyes.

 I simply shrugged in response, wanting to save my words. Silence was more comfortable.

 “Ten tickles!” She laughed at her own joke, gesturing a tickle with her finger.

 If it were anyone else I would’ve just ignored the dumb, cheesy joke. But this was Shayla. I let myself smile and move closer to her.

 “That’s a terrible joke.”

 Shayla sighed, “I know. I just want to see you laugh more often. _Apparently,_ that’s much harder than I thought it would be.”

 She stared down at her fingers and for a second I thought I might’ve disappointed her. _Goddamnit._ Though, when she looked up she had a much more devious sparkle in her eye and a smirk on her lips. She gestured with her fingers again, slowly getting closer.

 “No, Shayla,” I tried to sound serious, but apparently that didn’t work as she pounced on me.

 I wiggled and cried out as she dug her fingers into my side, my mouth making noises I forgot it even could. Laughter. Hysterical laughter, even. Maybe if it were anyone else I’d be panicking right now. I didn’t like touching, why would I _ever_ be able to deal with _tickling_?

 Except I wasn’t panicking. Sure it felt like it was torture, but the moment around it was something I could savor. I could hear Shayla’s giggles mixing with my harsh laughter. Music to my ears.

 Once she finally gave me mercy she rolled over, the only sound left was me trying to catch my breath. I looked over at her smiling face and thought about how deeply I felt for her. Love? Is that what that was? It had to be.

 “Shayl-”

 “Elliot,” Shayla cut me off quickly, catching my eyes with hers. They were filled with adoration, I think. Mine were too. “Elliot, I love you. Do you know that?”

 It feels like everything melts away in that moment. It’s just me and her. The awful world around us means absolutely nothing to me at that point. I forget about Evil Corp, FSociety, the mysterious Mr. Robot. I forget about it all, and it’s replaced with Shayla’s smile.

  _She was like my torch, guiding me through the darkest of forests in my mind._

 I must’ve gone silent for too long, because the look on her face has changed to worry.

 “I know, it’s really early to be saying that stuff. But it’s true. I und-”

 It’s my turn to cut her off. With the bit of adrenaline I have rushing through me, I capture her lips in a deep kiss. It was probably one of the most passionate ones we had shared, and there was absolutely nothing sexual behind it. It was short, even. I had something to say to her.

 “I love you too, Shayla.”

 And I loved. I loved. I loved.

  _I love._

  _I turn off the shower. I can’t let that memory slip down the drain with the rest of them. I can’t lose the happy ones. I can’t lose Shayla’s smile. I can’t lose my torch._

  _Help me to not forget, friend. I can trust you with that._


End file.
